those selected few

There are those selected few who always get to you. Actions or inactions. Words expressed or held back. Somehow, they have manage to crawl under your skin and pick at the scars, softspots or whatever it is that rile you up. Heck, you can’t even deem them the “selected” few because you don’t always choose them in your life. They appear, they piss over all that you thought have been true and they own you for a long, long time.

Often, you try to be brave and fight with all the ways you know how. However, there are moments when you remember that you are the broken child, never quite figuring out how to put the pieces together and the day falls apart.

There are also those whom you are paid to deal with who have the propensity to cause brain aneurysms. Everyday, you question why you put youself through so much pain for so little.

For women who are difficult to love

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial 
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who 
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel 
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.

- Warsan Shire

Farewells

Never really good at them. I get either too emotional or too falsely cheerful. There is never a middle ground.

By 12noon today, there were already two. One was cheeky because we knew we would hang out again soon enough. And I outgrew the previous melodrama. Another was sombre because 365 days later, everything might have changed. And it was difficult to lose one of your best friends.

But I am grateful that at least for today, I get proper farewells.